"you're the bitch the saved a baby's life"

Alright, so i dont swear too much here. But a friend of mine today who knows me very well reminded me that yeah maybe im a bitch but im the bitch that does nothing that anyone else does: i sit there in a damn hospital room snuggling and laughing and crying with a baby girl that will never be mine.  

I had a terrible time this week - so far it isnt the "letting them go" that hurts, it's the pushing and pulling of my emotions.  first im getting her, then im not, then it's long term, then it's two days, then it's "oh darn, we had a 3 day old, but you've got Baby S." 

And i think DAMN. coulda been mine.

New things

I'm a Disney Travel Agent now.

Just living the dream...

www.momentsofmagictravel.com

Update on C:  Mom has not done anything yet with regards to therapy. still non compliant. Becuase visitations at discretion of DSS, they are witholding visitations until she gets it together adn makes an appointment for treatment.  Caseworker does not think this will happen. She thinks they will end up closing the case. 

If that happened he would be able to be adopted, but the family in another state will be getting him before that happens. The family actually raised him until he was 2 years old, at which point I think dad went to jail, so mom went down and basically took him from family and took him to SC.  When  family found out he was in foster care they began (in the words of the caseworker) "blowing up" caseworker's phone trying to get him back. The placement with family is waiting on paperwork to be filed by caseworker. Once that happens it could be 1-3 months before they are approved, and then another 1-3 months before he moves. The second time period is a time for him to adjust to the new family (im shocked they even do that, but I think it's because they are gearing up for adoption). This second 1-3 months should consist of phone calls with fam, maybe a visit and warming him up to this new situation. again, i am shocked that they are even doing that. DSS ususally sucks. 

I have told the caseworker that I am MORE THAN OPEN to communication with the family before the "warming up" period. COnsidering they raised him until he was 2 years old, i can only imagine their minds are going crazy thinking of him in foster care. it also will set my mind at ease about it. 

how do we feel about this? i feel like this is probably THE best case scenario we will ever see as far as resolution goes in foster care. I am happy about the timeline, i feel like it is just enough time. I am glad to be able to put a number on the time as well. I am ecstatic that family is pursuing this, not DSS. with that said, when the caseworker said she thinks they are just going to close the case i felt like he just slipped right through our fingers. if the family weren't  there, he could have been ours. 

He was almost ours.

And yet sometimes I feel like i don't even deserve him. He's so damn special.