"you're the bitch the saved a baby's life"

Alright, so i dont swear too much here. But a friend of mine today who knows me very well reminded me that yeah maybe im a bitch but im the bitch that does nothing that anyone else does: i sit there in a damn hospital room snuggling and laughing and crying with a baby girl that will never be mine.  

I had a terrible time this week - so far it isnt the "letting them go" that hurts, it's the pushing and pulling of my emotions.  first im getting her, then im not, then it's long term, then it's two days, then it's "oh darn, we had a 3 day old, but you've got Baby S." 

And i think DAMN. coulda been mine.