this has been many years since ive written on here. 4, in fact.  any it has been the longest 4 years of my life. im misreable whre i am now. im sad. im just sitting here and bought a laptop just so that i could pour my thoughts out onto paper.  i want to write about the past 4 years.

id like to start with what happned in 2015 and where my mind went in those years.

at once point i had all my chapters figured out, and knew what id write about but now i suppose ive lost that information.

in 2015 we stopped fostering children.

lets try again for chapters.

kayleigh
dss
moving
death? family death?
palmetto
heather?
trident
weight gain
train travel
ttc in the beginning
the flower - november 2016
michelle ivf
that moment outside with the boys
IVF
heather and drugs
weight gain again
grace
kidding myself
first encounter with real death
green hair and crowfield
healing and chosen
more train travel
heather encounters
ctm
hurricane florence and miles
olive
slipping, but living
OLIVE
grief

"when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive"